Fucking dudes is whatever; it can be good, bad and super fucking ugly. The thing about fucking just any dude is that it probably won’t be that fun if you’re ambivalent about them and their whole situation.

Guys that date make it way more enticing. Even if the guy is a Grade A douche, if he sits through a few drinks and dinners with you, just stealing a kiss here and there and pretending to be interested in you it goes A LONG WAY.

I want to start fucking guys that date. These are the kind of guys that have hobbies, interests, and follow through. These guys dress smart, smell good and are generally fluent in the art of wooing.

I totally get that most guys don’t need to do this, as it takes time, a bit of money and considerable effort, but I promise, it’s way better fucking the shit out of a girl who can stand you after 5 or 6 casual hang out sessions/dates/whatever than putting it in the last whore at the bar.

If that doesn’t spell it out clearly enough for you: Dating, FTW!!

Not that I necessarily think this next thing is a great idea, as it can lead to all sorts of awful shit for another blog, you might even end up liking the dating/fuck buddy.

Eh, yea, maybe not.

But anyway.

This is not remotely hypothetical. When I start fucking guys I date to death I can just start dating/fucking a new one. I should have thought of this AGES ago!!

Plan B, aka Ben Drew, is super sexy on a serious level. Every now and again I like to slum, yea, I said it, SLUM, with someone who wouldn’t necessarily be my style. Plan B is edgy, has respect for being the ultimate joke, a white rapper, and wears a suit in a way that would make Diplo wipe a tear from his eye.

I know the fact that his name is Plan B means an instant joke, but seriously, I’d forgo the plan b and totally let him knock me up. Between his swagger, his voice and his serious disregard for anything anyone ever thinks and his rough accent, I’m sold.

SIGN ME UP.

He can put it wherever. End of.

Excuse me for being selfish, but I also met a guy that’s a way hotter version of him recently, affectionately referred to as Plan C!

If only he Stays Too Long!

If I was Paul Rudd in The 40 Year Old Virgin, this would have been the cover to Boner Jams ‘03!!!! I’m clearly an oracle into the sexy future!!! This photo embodies two of my ultimate fantasies in one, Adam Richman is like a hot pastrami sandwich made by God and Diplo is like finding a magnum of Cristal on your door step! Ultimate wet dream!!!

If The Wire was a human I would fuck it even if it had hepatitis and a crazy ex that would for sure kill me and my family for even looking at it. I would let The Wire get me pregnant repeatedly and take prenatal vitamins and go to Lamaze classes every damn time. 

I love The Wire.

The characters are all pretty sexy in their own ways; McNulty is an asshole but definitely fuckable in a ‘wasted why the hell did I do that get me a Plan B’ kind of way, Bunk is totally unattractive but tries hard enough that I’m sure I’d make out with him before throwing up, Herk is a complete scumbag that I’d totally bang and give the wrong number to, and hell, I even had a minor crush on the Polish retarded kid from season two that couldn’t stop fucking up!

But they’re all pussys compared to the man of my dreams.

Stringer Bell.

String is the brains, the looks, the money and the power behind the empire. He’s a dickhead that I can respect. His hands are always clean, his suit is always pressed and he always knows what to do. So what he’s actually a money laundering murderous drug kingpin?! This is my fantasy and I’ll fuck Stringer Bell to death if I please!!!

waterlostinthesea asked: Love your blog, thanks for the follow! Interesting concept, for sure haha.

Thanks!!

In an effort to find some inspiration for my blog and I guess for some excitement, I set out to find some passion. Kissing is great, one of my favorite things, so is holding hands, pillow talk and all of the intimate intricacies that come with a close connection to someone. Unfortunately, when you’re immersed in intimacy you often lose the excitement and rush found in having no emotional or mental connection with someone, just being so attracted to them that if you don’t rip their clothes off right now your world will end.

That’s the feeling that makes you want to fuck someone to death.

There are so many different reasons I want to fuck people (and so many more reasons why I don’t actually fuck them, but I think that would be for a different blog). Most recently I find myself really attracted to big, sexy, burly (bear-like but definitely not gay) men. I’m talking about the kind of men that are a good foot taller than me, are not even remotely fat, just so massive and strong that when they wrap their arms around you, you’re like a teddy bear being held by a giant. They look like they casually enter strong man competitions and don’t do anything remotely intelligent like reading. The thing I probably like the most about these guys is the most dangerous thing about them.

They are in control.

This is terrifying even when you know you can trust them to listen to you. They can pin you down, their weight and mass just so heavy on top of you that you would die before being able to get out from under them. The best thing about these guys is that they are generally giant teddy bears themselves, so as a woman, so much smaller, you’re still the one in control.

My personal favorite thing about guys like this is that they can and will pick me up and toss me around and remind me just how ‘in control’ they think they are. They drive me insane.

That brings me to the big and sexy staple in my life as of late. We met because he legitimately walked into me, too tall to notice me standing so far down below his line of sight. His hands basically wrap over mine when he bends his fingers and can maneuver my whole body on top of him with barely the flick of his wrist. His thigh muscles are even sexier than his massive arms and he blushes every time I tell him how sexy he is. The funniest thing about this massive muscled Adonis is that he is self conscious about his big hot bod. The first time I saw him button up his shirt his head bowed down to the floor and  he got all uncomfortable, the next time I saw him he drunkenly confided, he was afraid he looked fat.

I want to fuck him to death.

I don’t want to talk to him, know about his friends, family or job. I don’t want him thinking, eating, drinking or speaking. I want him naked.

He drives me insane to the point that I can no longer see him.

I’m afraid, if I let him, he would fuck me to death!

So I’ve been in a majorly transitional period of my life and due to that I’ve been shit at this blog. I assure the .75 people that read this that I am turning over a new leaf and giving this blog the time it deserves from now on! That means that I am no longer just focusing on celebrity crushes that come my way ever now and then. From here on out I am explicitly hitting on attractive men asking if they want to be featured on my blog ;) Get ready! It’s gonna get really hot and really filthy around here! Let the fucking to death commence!!!!!!!!

Drake is a definite yes because the sex, whether good or bad, so long as it’s memorable will garnish some kind of ridiculous verse hopefully featuring Lil’ Wayne from jail and/or Birdman that will guarantee your vagina infamy.

Though he was an awkward kid on Degrassi, after Rihanna used him and tossed him away he got kind of hot. Now it’s clear he’s a hopeless romantic with the poetic ‘Best I Ever Had.’

Know you got a roommate, call me when it’s no one there
Put the key under the mat, and you know I’ll be over there
I’ll be over there, Shawty, I’ll be over there
I’ll be hitting all the spots that you ain’t even know was there.

That overtly romantic modern crooning is followed shortly by the deeply sincere, “You the fucking best, you the best I ever had.”  He’s clearly a rival of celebrated poets. E.E. Cummings certainly didn’t count on competition like Drake when he penned, “I carry your heart with me (I carry it in mine).”

Obviously shitty compared to Drizzy!

But seriously, why wouldn’t you want to fuck Drake to death? He’s young, dresses ‘fly’ [I promise to never type that ridiculous phrase again], is a black Canadian Jew [Isn’t fucking one of them on everyone’s bucket list?!] and is obviously hangs out with Spinner and Craig, the guys I really wanted to fuck from Degrassi.

I always wish I had hypothetically fucked that nice guy. Too bad he was too nice. I think they never get fucked because they’re the kind of guys that make you feel like you could hurt them. I bet all that ‘I never get fucked’ energy leaves them so frustrated they’d totally fuck the shit out of you, too bad I’ll never know!

Adam Richman is the type of guy that inspires me to hypothetically fuck. The zaftig host of Man Vs. Food is the kind of guy you bang secretly and eat snacks with after. As soon as the food is gone you say something awkward about having to be up early in the morning and then let him leave with the leftovers. You can hang out with him and enjoy his company but he can’t spend the night because he takes up too much of your twin bed and feels too much like a boyfriend when you cuddle.

He’s cool and you know your friends would like him, but most of them would judge his ever-growing figure and inability to eat human sized portions because they’re bitches. They would judge you for enjoying every filthy second of the probably filthy sex you’d have to have with him. You would be so attracted to him, especially when he was scarfing down the latest challenge that carrying a conversation with him would be difficult because all you can think about is fucking him in the same way that he ate that ‘Thurmanator.’ That being said, this could go one of two ways; it could be sloppy and terrifying or he could use the endurance and stamina displayed in his eating challenge to fuck YOU to death! That’s the risk you might just have to take!